failure is an event-not who you are.

jonathan rios

August 2, 2021

Toxic Niceness


The fact that you are chronically “mr/mrs nice guy” is actually harming you & holding you back.

It’s keeping you from meeting your potential.

Here’s what I mean by the term Toxic niceness:

You are being toxically nice when you…….

-chronically say yes, when you really want to say no.

-chronically cower to other people’s viewpoints in conversation even though you vehemently disagree.

-chronically use your “niceness” to avoid being assertive & instead become passive…………

-coddle other people in their dysfunction & allow them to trod all over you.

-remain passive & soft when aggression and courage are needed……………

Toxic niceness is like kryptonite to Superman. It is corrosive. It kills the soul & prolongs the suffering of those who need you to stand up for them.

There is a time for all things under the sun. A time for being “nice” and a time to show some gumption.

I’m not advocating you become a total jerk, I’m simply saying you ought to strive for integrity and calculated assertiveness.

You can be kind without being overly nice.

(By the way, “Niceness” is subjective. What I think is nice behavior might not meet your quota and vice versa.)

You can be loving & firm while maintaining boundaries or enacting discipline.

Don’t be nice. Be selectively kind and assertive.

And like Teddy Roosevelt used to say “speak softly but carry a big stick”

Carry on.


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